How to Teach Kids About Processing and Handling Their Emotions

First we had a Time Out chair.
Then we nixed the idea of punishments altogether and began leaning towards effective gentle discipline- which led to the Calm Couch.

And now we have this: The Safe Place.

We call it the Safe Place because it's the one place in our house where our kids can go if they are dealing with difficult emotions and safely process them with the help of the visual and tangible aids I placed there.

When a tantrum ensues I ask my child if she/he would like to go to the safe place so we can handle it. Sometimes they go there on their own. Sometimes the emotions get the best of them and they refuse to go to the Safe Place at first.

Both are fine. I never force my kids to go there as that would defeat the purpose of it being a Safe Place. It is not a place of punishment but a place of rest and comfort.

Because dealing with emotions is hard. ESPECIALLY if you are little and you only understand 3 basic emotions: Happiness, Sadness, and Fear.

The goal of our Safe Place is to encourage our children to understand the more complex underlying emotions that hide behind our basic emotions and teach them how to cope with them in a safe and productive manner.

So we placed a few key items near the extremely large and comfy Papasan Chair (where we both fit if necessary) that gently encourage and teach these principals.

1. A basket of books that focus on Emotions. A few of the titles we chose are:

2. A large mirror: This is especially helpful for younger children so they can see their emotions in action. My 3 year old always goes to the mirror first before she heads to the chair. Sometimes she will sit there for several minutes and watch herself cry. Visually seeing themselves express their emotions helps develop empathy and encourages a deeper understanding of themselves and their emotions.

3. Pictures of our family in photo albums- I placed a few photo albums inside the book basket to remind them of how much we love and care for each other. This is usually what my children choose to look at while in the safe place.

4. A stuffed animal or two. One of the ways my children can choose to cope is by hugging a Teddy so we have one right on hand.

5. A canvas painting that labels our Safe Place and expresses our goals for the Safe Place: "I'm Safe Here." I made this myself- although I am a self proclaimed hobby artist I'm pretty sure anyone could whip this craft up regardless of artistic skill.

and then most importantly:
6. Our Emotion Charts.

I designed these pages so my children could learn to identify their emotions and then learn how to safely cope with the emotion in a tangible, visual, and interactive way.

The pages are designed to fit neatly into 8x10 picture frames so they stay protected from dirty little fingers, and then include extra pages so you can laminate and cut out the emotion faces and coping techniques so they rest on top of the glass of the picture frames via velcro dots. This allows the child to choose an emotion, move it to the "I Am Feeling" chart, and then choose a way to cope and move it over to the "I Choose to Handle it By" chart.

Like this:

I'm extremely excited to offer this kit in my Etsy Store for just $5 as an instant download! 

The kit includes the 4 charts shown above and below,  as well as an extra page of emotion faces to be laminated and cut out for interactive use, and an extra page of the Coping Choices to be laminated and cut out for interactive use.
And of course instructions.

Our Safe Place is such a huge hit in our family even my 10 year old will occasionally rest there. And I love that:) 

Occasionally my 3 year old will play with the faces and swap them out. I'm OK with that too because it is through Play that children learn best. Also, I figure that although they are a great tool to have on hand when a tantrum erupts, she is likely to learn more from them when she is calm and happily pretending with them. 

If you would like to purchase this download CLICK HERE

and of course as always- 

HAPPY PARENTING!

Montessori Horse Breed Card Part 2!

Here is the other set of Horse Breed Cards I promised you all!
This set includes:

Falabella

Morgan

Missouri Fox Trotter

Andalusian

American Curly

Lipizzaner

Paso Fino

Icelandic

Print, turn over, and print page 2 on the backside. 4 pages total, 2 pages when printed front and back.

Backside includes: Breed Characteristics, Coat Colors, History, Country of Origin, and Uses.

For Part 1 of this set, CLICK HERE

FREE Montessori Horse Breed Cards

My oldest is currently OBSESSED with horses. So naturally I had to make her these Montessori horse breed cards :)

This first set comes with 8 horse breeds. Print on cardstock, flip over and print the horses information on the back. 4 horse breeds on each page, 4 pages total -2 pages once printed front and back. Cut and laminate.

On the back you will find:

Breed Characteristics
Colors & Patterns
Country of Origin
History
& Uses of the breed

I have another set of 8 coming hopefully by the end of the week so check back soon! 

If you want to learn more about Montessori Educational practices and theories CLICK HERE. I think everyone knows about Montessori preschool- but not as many know that the educational theory goes all the way from preschool to graduation. We subscribe to a Montessori-type learning style. I agree with nearly all of it- but also Waldorf, Reggio, Unschool, and probably a tiny bit of Classical as well. In the past I've called it MonWalRegUnCal- or something like that. I guess the proper term would be "eclectic".
I hope you enjoy these cards- regardless of whether you homeschool or not. I think any horse loving child would like them :)

And remember: If you can't get them to download correctly check your popup blocker, change browsers, or email me  *contact link is at the top of the page* and I will email them to you directly.

Free Montessori Emotions Cards

Want to know what I think is hands-down, bar-none, one of THE most important things you could ever teach your kids? Understanding, labeling, and coping with their emotions.

(scroll down for the FREE Download!)

Did you know that ANGER is a COVER-UP emotion? Some call it a "fake" emotion because it is used as a coping mechanism to cover-up and suppress the true emotion that is being felt.

Don't believe me? Let me give you some examples:

Jealousy- Jealous of your neighbors, jealous of something someone else has that you don't, jealous when someone you love gives too much attention for your liking to something or someone else.... what do you normally do? Get mad at that person/thing? I thought so :)

Frustration- When you are frustrated that your kids are destroying your house, that someone isn't listening to you.... what is your normal response? Anger?

(those are probably the 2 most common feelings that are covered up by anger- but I know adults who get mad when they are actually sad and could use a good cry, and I've even seen someone get mad when they were unsuspectingly surprised!)

Children are especially prone to expressing anger instead of their true emotions. Intense excitement for something can result in anger due to lack of patience or a misunderstanding of suspense. Embarrassment is often covered up by anger, and obviously frustration and jealousy.

It's not that most children WANT to feel mad... they just haven't quite figured out the more complex feelings they are experiencing besides Happy, Sad, and Mad.

So how can you help them?

Well now that you know that anger is a cover-up emotion, next time your child is upset about something instead of sending them straight to time-out, (click here for time-out alternatives)
TALK WITH THEM and get to the bottom of their true feelings.
Identify and label the feeling with them.
and Teach them proper coping mechanisms

FYI- There are a TON of healthy ways to cope!
It's perfectly OK to cry!
It's perfectly OK to feel the need to scream (but please scream in your room into a pillow because that's the respectful thing to do for those around you)
and it's perfectly OK to get upset. I'm not telling you that they (or you) should never be upset.

Anger is just usually the first emotion to show up! The trick is to break through it so you can process your feelings and find the appropriate coping mechanism!

Because people (and children) who get angry and don't know how to cope usually break things or harm others. Unprocessed anger is bad for the soul. It leads to hate, resentment, and sometimes violence.

Sometimes you don't need a coping mechanism at all! Once you realize that you weren't really mad, you were actually just really disappointed, or frustrated, or overwhelmed- you can just solve the problem causing the emotional distress to begin with!
For example, if your child is overwhelmed, teach him to take it one step at a time, help him with whatever it is that's overwhelming him, (in our house it's usually about picking up toys) Label the feeling for him so he can become aware of the difference between feeling angry and feeling overwhelmed.

This is a fantastic parenting tool by-the-way. Imagine the breakthroughs you can have with your children! Especially anger-prone children.

I created these Monster Emotion Cards as a Montessori-type aid in teaching my son more complex emotions. When I gave them too him we had a fun child-led discussion about each one. He had so many questions!
"What is this one feeling?"
me: "He's feeling frustrated"
"Why is he feeling frustrated?"
me: I don't know... when do you feel frustrated?"
"uuummm... I don't know."
me: "How about when Mommy is on the computer and doesn't listen to you?" (GUILTY!)
"Yes. That makes me feel VEEEERRY frustrated!"

I now have them taped on our fridge for easy referencing. 

These would be fun to frame and decorate with as well

Click HERE to print