Building Trust and Acceptance through Play

Children- especially babies and toddlers, learn a great deal about themselves, others, and how the world works through play.
They are discovering their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, and learning how to share and cooperate, among a myriad of other things cognitively and developmentally.

Yet how often do we as parents tend to "guide" their play?
How often do we unknowingly "restrict" them by pointing at or giving them toys they aren't focused on?
Or "help" them by pushing the button for them, building the blocks for them, or teaching them how the toy works?

"Relinquishing any parental agenda sends our baby a powerful message of trust and acceptance, “Whatever you choose to do when you play is interesting to me. It’s ‘enough’,” rather than, “Don’t do what you feel like doing, do this.” .....

(or worse yet, "you can't do it, let me do it for you.")

"When we nurture our baby’s individuality by allowing her to stay in touch with her true self, she can grow up feeling comfortable and proud of the person that she is, more able to trust her instincts, accept her feelings and those of others. Surely, this is one fundamental key to happiness?"  - Janet Lansbury

Welcome to the Life of Your Child- Understanding Tantrums Through a Change of Perspective

Imagine yourself in a foreign country- one that you know NOTHING about.

The land and countryside are like nothing you've ever seen before. There are trees and plants so beautiful and so perplexing you can't help but stop and touch every single one of them.

The culture is new and exciting at times to explore- but also scary and intimidating. You don't know the traditions, the history, you don't understand how the society works or why people do what they do on a day to day basis. You don't know what's appropriate and what isn't in this strange culture. More than once you've been scolded by those close to you and even complete strangers for saying something, touching something, or doing something that was considered inappropriate during your quest to assimilate and fit in.

The food is amazing, each texture unique, each bite an exciting new discovery either to your complete delight or sometimes utter disgust.

The people are friendly, mostly helpful, and sometimes weird and funny. You've become used to the unique attire they wear but every once and while you discover something new and different and find yourself playfully discovering funny eye coverings, pretty feet coverings, and colorful attire.

The language is most difficult of all. They have vowels and consonants that are difficult for you to pronounce. You try and try but your tongue and lips just don't want to cooperate as a team to make the unique sounds required to communicate with the people in this country. You're slowly beginning to understand certain words and phrases and you can communicate effectively enough to get your basic needs met- food, shelter, water, directions- but beyond that you are forced to use sign language, body language, hand gestures, and weird combinations of words and sounds you know are incorrect but hopefully good enough to get your point across.

Welcome to the life of your child.

This is EXACTLY the kind of experience your child is having in this strange and unknown world he has been brought into. In every culture, no matter how different or similar it is to yours, in every nook and cranny of this world, the experience for every child is the same and comparable to the above scenario I just described.

Now tell me that there wouldn't be days where you would be completely overwhelmed and exhausted leading to emotional polarized outbursts.

Tell me there wouldn't be times where frustration would lead to complete emotional meltdowns over lack of basic communication skills. Especially when your needs aren't being met and no matter how hard you try no one seems to understand what you are saying, how you are feeling, or what you need.

Perhaps a little perspective like this is all you need to help better understand, communicate, and connect with your child, especially when she is upset or throwing a tantrum for whatever reason.

You need to remember:

Sometimes a little perspective is all it takes  :)

Happy Parenting!